theonion: Dispense with broad racist rhetoric from the primary…

- Dispense with broad racist rhetoric from the primary season and replace it with specific racist policy
- Increase fundraising with targeted collections from prominent Trump University debtors
- Eventually get around to researching issues beyond immigration that a president might encounter
- Hand out free, colorful patches to Muslim Americans
- Schedule several sympathetic morning show appearances with entire family except Tiffany
More.